Security and other illusions

I have a friend who writes a blog with a vast following and nothing seems off limits. The most personal and embarrassing of things are shared. At times I find myself cringing at the idea of being so transparent but these stories of personal horror are always well received and often leave others sharing similar tales in the comments section.

This leaves me to query regarding our attempt at hiding those things we find most unsavory, unflattering, or downright embarrassing in our lives. Is there really anything we've experienced that hasn't been experienced by another?


I'm working my way well into my forties and still suck my thumb. It's embarrassing at this age, or really any age beyond 2, to still indulge in this habit. My Mother tried everything to get me to stop as a child and I have tried countless methods as an adult. So there was a certain horror involved when on a recent visit to my Mother's she shared that her friend's son, a year older than I, also sucks his thumb. The horror? That our Mothers were discussing the fact.

There was a brief time frame where I didn't suck my thumb. A few short months in which I thought I was in love and was sexually active. Does this mean sucking my thumb really is an oral fixation? Is it actually a substitute for the security of a loving, and fulfilling, relationship?

My Mother has told me I didn't start sucking my thumb until I was about 2, this would time it to about the time the sperm-donor (biological father) left. Could that abandonment have triggered the habit.


I know many with their little security thing, be it a blankie, a teddy bear, or some other object that others wouldn't necessarily see as a form of security. I have a piece of fabric which goes along with my thumb sucking, yet I don't carry it EVERYWHERE. However, at times, no matter how public, my thumb will find its way into my mouth. This is most often subconscious brought about because I'm particularly tired or in a very uncomfortable situation. Any situation involving large numbers of people or, worse yet, my having to be social.

My baby, read dog, has his own security devices and you know it's time for bed when he trots out into the living room carrying his stuffed bone. I may be biased, but it's adorable, a forty-something sucking his thumb IS NOT adorable!

The only positive to my thumb sucking is apparently if I don't I grind my teeth. I'd like to quit but as I said I've tried. I guess there are worse things I could be doing but I'm not sure about more embarrassing.


There are other things I have long held as a certain part of my security, most of them are gone now, at least figuratively. I know there is security in my friends and family without them I would be lost and yet I still suck my thumb. I'm sure a therapist would have a field day but it isn't hurting anyone it's just embarrassing so until I find a way to stop...



"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."~Helen Keller